Monday, October 18, 2010

Listening to the bees

I am doing a lot of things these days, and most of them seem to be valuable, enjoyable, necessary, or comfortable.  Some are more than one of those things.  Some are barely one.

I am thinking a whole lot about busyness.  You can see from my posts that it's something that I think about a good bit.  I used to think that busyness was a good thing, the goal of a fulfilled life.  When I heard people say, "I'm too busy for..." fill-in-the-blank, but probably something I like to do, I'd feel guilty and think, I need to do more stuff.

And when people tell me that my schedule makes them tired, I don't really understand, because I don't do nearly as much as most people.  Or as much as they seem to do.  And I really should do more... 

As an aside, a Facebook friend from high school asked if I wanted to foster cats.  I admire the work she does more than I can say and I really wanted to say yes.  Even though we have four cats of our own and three of my son & daughter in love's and my husband hates having cats at all.  People who know me are rolling their eyes and wondering if "animal hoarders" pays a finders fee.  Anyway, I passed on that.

So there is something in me that tells me I'm not doing enough, and in answer to that, I keep adding stuff.  Even stuff I don't do well, like baking cookies for a set time.  Cookies that are normal and will sell to children.  (Nota bene: elementary school kids aren't big fans of rosemary lemon cookies.  Go figure.)

But maybe it's not that I'm not doing enough, it's that I'm not doing the right things.  Or maybe that I have too much stuff going on to figure out what I truly love.  (I'm seeing the eyes roll now as the "hoarders" analogy continues in some people's minds.) 

I think I am doing some very good important things and I don't want to stop, but I want to do them better.  And I want to stop kicking myself for not doing more.  And I want to stop hoarding tasks and things to do.

I think I need to take some walks in the woods by myself and listen to the softer voices beneath the screeching harpy who is telling me to get busy.  I think I need some quiet time.


Kim said...

Most people think I am terribly busy and I make them tired. Compared to my family (parents, brother, etc) I feel like a slug. I've slowly gotten really good at what I say yes and what I say no to. It's your life. Do what fulfills you - busy or not. And take those walks.

Brandy said...

I've tried the "stop & smell the roses" approach to life more times than I can count but alas I can't commit to it. I'm a slight perfectionist when it comes to projects (BTW that doesn't include cleaning b/c who likes to do that?! Not me) and they end up taking longer than necessary. Anyone who works on a cake for 8 hours for a 6 year old is nuts right?! Hi, my name is Brandy & I'm nuts, but the cake was delicious.

(LOVE the red shoes!)