Thursday, January 8, 2015

Let it go... the birthday party

A while back I read a blog in which the author talked about setting limits.  She said, among other cool things, that when you set a limit on your time and energy, and someone gets mad, why do you care?  Often this is an acquaintance or even a stranger, but even if it's friends or family, why do you care that they are angry that you have protected yourself?  (I need to find a way to save things I've read on the internet through Facebook.  I hate that I can't remember the source.)

In any case, this is a big problem for me in my New Year's Resolutions.  I want people to like me even if I don't like them, and so I do things I don't want to do in order to be accommodating to people I don't care about and who sure don't care about me.

Dad said that was Lyndon Johnson's problem, although it still doesn't explain Vietnam.

My husband looked at me funny when I told him and suggested that some might consider that to be a little bit crazy.  OK, he didn't say "little bit."  I added that to protect my feelings.

So the lady who wrote the blog said, why do I care if strangers are upset?  Am I afraid I won't be invited to their birthday party?

This is a picture of me at my own birthday party many centuries ago.  I'm the one with the cleverly wrapped ball.  This, like all of my birthday parties, ended in tears.  

Why?  Because I'm as crazy as a bag of cats.  I want people to come to my party, but I don't want to be there.  I want to be invited to parties, but I don't want to go.  I want people to like me, even if I don't like them.  Go figure.

So the point is not that I'm neurotic, but how my being this kind of neurotic is making it hard for me to let things go and to say no to things I really don't want to do.  

This week, after a series of unfortunate incidents, I said no to something I shouldn't have started.  And now people are mad at me.  I'm mad at them, but I don't want them to be mad at me.  And I know in my head that I shouldn't justify myself, but I want everyone to know I'm right and they are badly maligning me..  God that sounds so pathetic.  With reason.

OK, Kathy.  Let it go.  Move on, don't worry about what other people think.  Don't justify; don't talk about it anymore.  No one cares.  And you didn't want to go to the birthday party anyway.

No comments: