Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Glass of Water

I found this on Facebook the other day.  It was interesting, since my priest Mother Jill had used it in a sermon a few weeks ago.  It was more interesting because my friend had said he thought about me when he heard the sermon.  "Put it down, Kathy!  Put it down!"

How many metaphors do I need before I learn to let things go?  Last Friday, I interrupted my own story to go on a tirade about Free Scotland, an issue that only affects me because my Facebook friends care about it.  Yesterday, I got into a huge (if one-sided) argument with the characters on a Lifetime movie.

I worry, too.  I hear about a car accident and wonder if I know anyone in it.  I'm afraid the tax season is going to be painful.  I can't decide whether to do something I really don't want to do or risk hurting someone's feelings.  (Baby steps.  I know I should say no, but I think it will be easier to just do it.  Unfortunately, I'm going to do a shitty job because it's not my thing and my heart isn't in it.  Wow.  I think I'd better re-examine that one.)

And, even though I believe in forgiveness as a tool for mental health and spiritual growth, I have a terrible time letting go of past hurts.  Hurts done to me and hurts done to others by me.  I replay them, I revisit them ("OK, I'm going to tell this story one more time and then I'll let it go, BUT...")  I nurture them.

Caring deeply is a great thing, but there are limits.  These things (not the Lifetime movie, but the other things) are really things I can give to God.

Worrying endlessly is not a great thing.   Other than my superstitious belief that if I worry about something it won't happen, I can't see any benefit.  That superstition isn't true, either.  Stuff still happens.  Or it doesn't.  Give it to God.

And holding on to embarrassments or hurts or anger is really really not helpful.  Not even a little.  Yeah, yeah, fool me once and all that, but reliving the pain doesn't protect you from future pain.  And if you are an INTP Writing Spider, like I am, you still fall for the same thing again.  I may be trying to teach myself a lesson by telling the stories, but all I'm hearing is, "if I'd done this differently, it wouldn't have happened."  But sometimes, it's not me.  (What?)  Sometimes, I don't control the situation.  (No way!)  Sometimes... oh wait, all the time, I can't change the past.  Give it to God.

Put down the water glass.  Don't be paralyzed by worry, anger, fear, or even the endless possibilities that are spread before you.  Put down the water glass and pick up your life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love this. I'm glad you're blogging. I look forward to more.