Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Best laid plans

This morning I am taking my son to the dentist (regular check-up) and the doctor (ear ache.) I am not sure about making the poor baby get his teeth cleaned while his ear hurts, but who knows, maybe it will help.

This means: I am not at work. Not at Work 1 and not at Work 2. This means that tonight and tomorrow I will have MORE work, because no one else is going to do my work.

I realize that makes me sound like a bad mom. My poor child has dirty teeth and an ear ache, and all I think about is work. I would look down on myself, if that were physically possible.

My very fine counselor has suggested that I need to pass off some things. We were talking mostly about my wonderful teenage son who is very comfortable at home, not working, not going to school. The idea is that we need to make him less comfortable (in a loving way). It has been noted that this will be easier for me if I pass to my husband, who is pretty comfortable saying, "no, you can't have the car and twenty bucks."

I realize that when I look at my middle son, or my oldest, or just about anyone, I want to take them and solve their problems. I want to make a list of things to do, suggest alternatives, help them. I realize that 1) I can't solve the problems, 2) I get very stressed feeling that I need to solve every one's problems, and 3) I have trouble trusting people to take care of themselves.

And so: pass. I will pass the problems with the boys to Bob. I will just pass on the problems of every Tomasina, Dick, and Harriet that come into my life. I will listen without feeling responsible. Or at least, that is my intention.

2 comments:

annie kelleher said...

i remember one day meditating on world peace. i was asking the angels and the guides how it could ever possible. and while they assured me that it IS possible, they also assured me that it had not yet been given to me to solve. and then they asked if i thought i might like to take it on? and in that moment, i was wise enough to remember to be careul what you wish for. so i said... not this life. and from then, it got much easier to recognize that there were other things that haven't been given to me to solve, either.

Kim said...

Here's a big hug in support of passing it on. I've been learning how to do that myself this past year when it comes to the kids. It takes practice and a little - OK a lot of letting go. Things will get done - not the way you would like or I would like but, they do get done.